|Learning by osmosis|
I don't really know how I feel about being released. I sort of feel like I'm floating out there in the breeze with no purpose, as I've been the 1st counselor for two years. I had a feeling that my time was almost up because Kristen paid me that really nice compliment that I seemed to have found my 'sea-legs' so to speak in the primary. That's usually when they pull you. Heavenly Father seems to put us (or at least me) in a job that I feel totally unqualified for and know nothing about, and then once I finally understand what I'm doing and how to do it, He figures that I've learned what ever I was there to learn and it's time for me to do something else. It's happened every time, and I guess this wasn't any different. So when I was released, I wasn't too surprised. Now I'm about 3 hours removed from that moment and I'm just not sure how I feel about it.
For a long time, I've gone down stairs and worked with the kids. Some days were better than others. As I've been in school, I've been putting to use the things that I've learned, and I've watched the improvement in many of their attitudes. I've watched as some have moved away, been baptized, gone up to Young Men's and passed sacrament, fallen inactive, and as some have come from the nursery to join us in primary. I've consolled some. I've had chats with a few parents. I held one in my arms in the hallway as they had a tantrum all afternoon. I've leaned heavily on others who could always be counted on to participate in a pinch. I've given lessons that caused their eyes to glaze over with boredom, and I've given lessons where even the most jaded of the oldest children got involved. I've bribed them with food, and given them The Look (you know the look...that one that tells them that their time on this Earth is short if they don't pull it together). I've seen one of my own children leave primary and another one join. It feels like they need me, and like it will fall apart if I leave and yet I know that they have already called a new President who will call new counselors, and these ladies are exactly what this group of kids needs right now. My time is past and I'm on to the next thing, or maybe not.
Maybe it's time for me to just attend classes and meetings for a little while. I've been teaching someone something for the last 3 years straight. It'll be nice not to be nagged by the thought that I have to prepare a sharing time lesson in a few days, all while being in the middle of school work and trying to get that done. It'll be nice not to have to worry about finding a substitute for a class because one of the teachers will be out, and then ultimately just teaching the class myself because no subs could be found. I won't feel guilty anymore about all of the things our little primary aren't doing because we don't have the bodies to fill every position we have available. There are some definite pluses, but its still a little bitter-sweet.
Bitter-sweet. That reminds me that I was supposed to bake cookies yesterday. Instead I spent the entire afternoon mending my knitting. I've had a basket sitting in the corner for months now with my Ivy league Vest and multiple pairs of socks which all needed my attention. Yesterday I fixed the split seam on my vest, and then sewed down the steeks so that I won't have any other issues. I also darned about 5 pairs of socks. I wear out my heels, and every pair of socks I own was in need of some form of heel reinforcement, or flat out replacement. If I was smarter, I'd knit afterthought heels all the time so I could just pull them out and knit them again. Some of these socks are going to need to be tossed just as soon as I can get another pair knit to replace them. It's not like I don't have enough yarn to do it. I just don't have a lot of time. I should just knit a pair a month like the Yarn Harlot does, and that could help quite a bit. It might even save on the wear if I had enough to alternate them more often that I currently do. And I have at least three partial pairs in some state of completion right now so I'm off to a head start. One pair has been on the needles for two years now, so I should really just suck it up and finish them already.
Well, my butter is officially at room temp and my boys need to eat, so I'm off to the kitchen.